An End of May Update

 Mental Health

The basics first:
I have most grades back, and so far I'm not sure what I'll be graduating with.  I am between a 2:1 and a 2:2.  I am closer to a 2:2, but i think they tend to 'round up' the grades, so fingers crossed!
My family visited the past week.  It was a good time, but i struggled to control my anger and usual frustrations over nothing.


More recently, I have been told by my personnel manager that she will see me after she has done one more thing...  I am still worried!  My manager has been good to me recently, but I am worried that it wont last.  To be honest, all I want is to get on with my job without this hassle!  I am however looking for full time jobs.  I am keen to hear back from the first application I made to a care home.  


I increased my overdraft and ordered a new credit card (replacement, not new account), and now i have started getting major spending impulses.  I have only acted on it a handful of times, but it is getting stronger.  I got the credit card and overdraft because I no longer have a student loan, and until i get a handle on my finances, I need a helping hand.  Apparently the psychiatrist has cancelled all week because she is ill; I haven't heard anything from her secretary yet.  Not looking forward to hearing that!  

So far my general mental health isn't too bad; I'm not depressed as such, but as mentioned above, I'm struggling with impulses and anger/frustration.  I have dyed my hair about 3 times in 2 weeks and bought clothes I don't need without thinking it through.  I have also snapped at a few people, or became angry with things that shouldn't anger me.  So it seems I have to choose between depression/hyperness/mood changes and impulsiveness/anger.

Physical Health

Oh my back has been horrendous these past few weeks.  Sharp pains down my lower back and legs; dull aches in my whole lower body; in agony down the left side of my body all night, and to top it all off, my foot decided to start hurting last night.  It feels like a bone or something is out of place.  It's also making my ankle hurt, and I actually can't walk properly, as I don't remember what angle I walk on my foot, because the pain is affecting how I would automatically walk.  My back is obviously hurting more because of this.  I almost couldn't walk in work earlier, and found myself leaning on the trolley.  That pain literally appeared from nowhere.  Then later that night I discovered a blood rash on my ankle; the kind of mark you get from a pinch for example; a pin-prick rash.  I phoned NHS 24 because my first worry was possible reactions with all my meds.  I was phoned back and told to go to a pharmacist, which I did, and I was told it was probably due to pressure from swollen ankles combined with wearing shoes rather than boots; 2 forms of pressure meeting in the middle!  Everything is ok!  Phew!  My doctor started me on Gabapentin last week, instead of amitryptiline, for nerve pain.  So far, nothing.  I have been on tramadol for a few weeks, also, nothing.  NOT A THING.  So much pain.  I have been waking up in pain a lot.  I went to a "back fit" class, as suggested by the doctor.  It was ok at the time, they said not to do stuff that would hurt.  My problem is not knowing what hurts my back, so half an hour after I left, I was in pain again.  I told the doctor this, and I am now referred to the pain clinic.  Oh fun.  No sleeping meds, because I said they weren't working.  Now I spend my nights worrying I'm not going to sleep!  It's not been too bad actually.  

Speaking of which, I should go to bed...
Night! xxx