Everything that Happened at Work: the Letter and Outcome of Meeting

Letter to Personnel Manager (roughly as written, obviously not word-for-word):

First of all it is important that you understand that I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder on 16/2/2012, before this, it was recorded as depression and anxiety.  My absence from work was from 11/11/11 to 21/1/12. 

I first noticed a change of attitude in K (my checkout manager) from around the middle of my absence.  I asked her for advice about possibly returning to work with reduced responsibilities.  I was told first of all, that, “You are either ready to return, or you’re not”.  Second, I was told I would not get a meeting until I had a definite date to return.  From here, when I handed in my sick or fit note, I was greeted coldly, with not eye-contact and no conversation.  

On returning to work, I met with the acting personnel (the current personnel manager was not at our shop at this point), who agreed a return-to-work plan, which agreed I could stay off self-scan checkouts until I was ready.  About a week in, I confided to two managers (including the above) about my manager’s apparent uncaring attitude.  Later that week, K pulled me into an office (alone) and had a go at me for 20 minutes about ‘slander’ and possible ‘future disciplinary action’ because I told others she “didn’t care”, which I did say.  After that, about an hour or so, I met with K and another manager (standard procedure, one to take minutes) for my attendance review.  Since it was not long after the initial meeting, I was still shaken-up and nervous; I was taken completely by surprise.  At the AR, I was forced to say when I would be ready to return to self-scan.  I said I didn’t know when I would feel better, but was literally forced to give an answer.  This part of the conversation was not put in the minutes.  Later, this ‘forced time-scale’ was ignored anyway.  

Later in the year, about 2 months later, I had a one-day absence, which led to another attendance review.  At this one, the previous absence was briefly discussed; I said, “You know I’m not ready for self-scan yet?” to which K replied, “Yeah I know.”  That was the end of the discussion, and this was also not put in minutes.

Wednesday 9^th May 2012

I went down to checkouts as normal, at 4.55pm with the rest of the 5pm-starts.  I was met by my teamleader (supervisor, CP) and K.  CP asked me if I would let someone off self-scan, and I reacted strongly by saying, “No, I’m not ready, ask K”.  K jumped in here, by saying, “No, that’s not on, you can’t just stay off it, we agreed 4 weeks”.  Yes, we agreed 4 weeks: 4 months ago!  No such compromise was said in the last AR either.  She tried to say my ankle was better, which she knew had nothing to do with it.  I stood my ground saying I wasn’t ready, and I didn’t know when I would be better.  She said, “How was I supposed to know?  You don’t have a current doctors’ note” Then she started saying things that were out of order, such as, “You have no physical reason not to.”  “The other girls have to do the work for you, it’s not fair.”  I didn’t know what to say to this, so I just stood my ground until K said, “C, find Jennifer a checkout.”  This whole time, C just stood there and said nothing.

I must have been ‘set-up’ for this, as K wasn’t running the checkouts, and the supervisors know I can’t do self-scan yet.  (Today, another teamleader also asked me to do self-scan…I’m very suspicious). 

Since then, I have been anxious and scared, and it is affecting my general health; not sleeping and eating.  It has affected me in the following ways due to my BPD:

I am terrified of seeing K on the shop floor, as I cannot deal with confrontations; I have also been scared when another member of staff approached me in case I was being asked to work self-scan again.

I am not taking this lightly, as I am worried about possible repercussions from complaining, as I worry about being hated. 

I was made to feel selfish and an inconvenience, and as if my mental illness bore no importance

I am aware that K may wish to give reasons for her actions, and I welcome it.  I would like this resolved simply, as I just want to continue with my job as normal.  I would not lie about this situation, as I am ashamed to have to discuss these problems with you in these circumstances.  I intend to see my doctor to gain a doctors’ note to solve this dispute, and if you require any kind of evidence of my deteriorating health due to this, please let me know.

Thanks for taking the time to read this,

(signed and dated)

Deep Breath…

I had a meeting with the personnel manager today as planned.  I showed her the above letter (handwritten, 11 sides of A5 paper…).  We stood in 2 quiet areas (the first became busier, so we moved), where she read this, shaking her head once in a while, and stating that she could feel the emotion in it, she could understand how I felt because of it.  She asked questions, and decided to research BPD herself (well, google lol), showing that she actually is taking an interest in me.  She is going to look back at my AR minutes, and see what was written, and work out what wasn’t.  Once she has all her data, she is going to pull up K and give her a mini-interrogation (her words…).  She decided it was a form of bullying, and we discussed that my heightened emotions are not to blame and have not caused me to exaggerate, but rather should be understood and accommodated for.  It is most definitely not required that I get a doctors’ note, as I was only doing this to prove to K that I wasn’t lying, which personnel manager said should not be necessary in any way.  I can continue with my midnight Friday shifts, as I feel capable of it, regardless of K questioning my ability.  I should be allowed to step away from self-scan when I need to, and it is entirely up to K to provide other staff who are able to work self-scan anyway.  The people who I was being made to cover on Wednesday were being let off simply because they ‘don’t like it’, even though other people were available to cover.

The personnel manager said I was being exploited because I am self-scan trained, regardless of my health, which isn’t fair.  

So far, I win.  I will hear more on Saturday, and I will fill you in.

 :)