Just to clarify things, this post is about my physical illness. It may apply to others, it may not! I am interested to find out whether or not it applies to others, because I can't quite believe I have all these symptoms for no reason.
First of all, is my chronic back pain. I know there are links with chronic pain and mental illness. I am curious to know if this pain will diminish as my mental health improves, or if I will be left with it, like some of my local GPs think. It has caused me pain and distress for many, many years. The pain only really came to my attention when I started working properly at 16. I vaguely remember being in pain through school, especially on days when my rucksack was particularly heavy! There are two types of pain I experience; one is a short, stabbing pain that can shoot down to my legs, and often leaves a dull ache. The other is a tired-muscle kind of pain, usually experienced when I have been sitting at a checkout all night! It is debilitating because it can stop me doing things I enjoy, not to mention how much it can upset me. It usually means I reach for the co-codamol, especially at work, because it takes the edge off the pain, but also because it helps me not care about the pain! In the long term, it stops me doing things like going to the gym, which could lead to my mood being even worse.
Another health problem is a difficult one to explain. I have an underactive thyroid, which isn't difficult to understand obviously, but I mean I don't know which one came first. I sometimes wonder if my hypothyroidism caused my mental health problems. I know it can cause depression though. My thyroid didn't just potentially ruin my mental health though, it has given me IBS too, which is a bitch to live with! Between food and anxiety, I don't know which causes the most problems. Eat a curry, and worry about it, is the worst thing I can do!
Recently, well the last few months, I have also been suffering with dizziness and shaking a lot. Not due to medication though, because I changed meds half way through this problem. I have been dizzy today since I woke up, so I am not looking forward to work. It is hard to tell if it is light-headedness or if the world is moving; maybe a mix of both! I want my thryroid re-tested because I know it was an original symptom when I got diagnosed. The last time I had it tested, it came back normal. Apparently. From where I was sitting, it looked like the numbers were rising. I am very tired all the time, and seem to wake up at night, which is a pain in the ass.
On top of all that, I am getting pains everywhere else too. Including random pains in joints, dull aches in my arms and legs, and headaches. My GP Had my bloods taken for tests to check for inflammation which would suggest arthritis. She doubts I have it, but because of my thyroid and all the autoimmune links with it, it was worth checking just to be sure. I will let you all know, but I also doubt it is that. I hope it's not!
All in all, I'm having a great time. *sigh*
Thanks for putting up with my ramblings! Haha! Please feel free to comment below about your experiences with physical ill-health. Everyone can comment.
~~In addition to the above post, I have read an article about chronic pain and BPD. The two main suggestions given are:
1) The inability to self-regulate may lead to an inability to regulate and inhibit pain signals in the way a "normal" person would. My physiotherapist suggested this before I received my BPD diagnosis, and I have to agree with him.
2) It is a hidden way of asking to be cared for. If this is true, and it could well be, it is on an subconscious level. I don't particularly choose to feel pain so i can ask to be cared for. It could be true, and I won't say it is wrong.
Sansone, R.A. and Sansone, L.A. (2012) Chronic Pain Syndromes and Borderline Personality. Innov Clin Neurosci. 9(1), 10-14.
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