Well, I know it’s been a while. Been preoccupied. My mood has been all over the place, no
joke. I almost went mental to a friend
over nothing. I could feel the anger and
frustration building but couldn’t do anything about it except warn her. Later I went home to bed, slept for about
four hours. I was still angry when I
woke up, for about 10 minutes, then I suddenly became excited. What is Borderline doing to me? I can’t predict myself from one minute to the
next. I am going to lengths such as mixing
co-codamol and zopiclone at night, then staying awake so I can feel calmness
for once. Fucking torture. I want to ask for a mood stabilizer, but I’m
worried about asking a psychiatrist I’ve only met twice to give me
something.
I am still waiting for the psychiatrist to phone me back,
because I need to ask about coming off of the venlafaxine. They are making me so depressed I have spent
more nights than not suicidal. I cry
uncontrollably over nothing, because I convince myself there is something to
cry over. Someone hates me. Someone is avoiding me. I am ugly.
Anything, everything and nothing.
All I have done is hit my head, which I suppose is progress.
With all of the above, my stomach has been giving me
hell. I can’t eat anything without being
in agony. My stomach twists and
turns. It’s the IBS I gained through my
underactive thyroid. Speaking of which,
I have had tested recently. I could
phone for results, but it seems my bad luck that when I phone, there is nothing
wrong with it, and therefore no reason for me feeling tired, depressed, aching
etc. I need a reason, because then it
can be fixed. Here’s hoping!
Cross your fingers for me that I can get everything I
mentioned above sorted.
No comments:
Post a Comment