I can't explain these feelings!

However, I'm going to try.

It's close to nerves.  But it's an impending sense of doom.  I'm trapped.  I feel like my inner body is tense, like my heart is racing and my stomach is going to join it.  I'm worried about people; people who I haven't seen or heard from in ages.  In one case, it's only a few days, in another, it's months.  I know I'm overreacting, but I'm powerless to change it.  I can't stop thinking about work tonight.  I know it will be fine, but I just hate being there.  Having to put on a front that I'm OK.  My stomach hurts; it's tensing up.  

The other feeling is kind of physical and mental.  I don't know what it is.  Is it shame about something?  Is it loneliness?  I'm confused.  Maybe it's just confusion.  I'm also lost, and stuck.  I feel abandoned.  It just keeps dawning on me that I'm alone.  Alone in the sense that I don't have anyone here to just support me when I need it.  I have a very good friend, but I feel like a burden.  This person cannot be around at my beck and call.  It's unreasonable to expect that of anyone.  Yet that's what I want.

I hate this, and I'd give anything for it to go away.  Just tell me what I need to do, what I need to take!  All I can do at work is pretend to be OK, which means being smiley and chatting.  I can do that, but only if I can somehow make myself feel numb first.  If I can ignore my emotions, I can easily pretend I'm OK.  It tires me out, and only makes me more irritable though.  Then I snap at people, and I'm only hated more.  That makes the pretense harder to keep up.  People tell me to stop being grumpy, and I hate that.  If only it was that simple!

Can someone help me?  Now?  Please?